Book Rec: The Big We, by Hali Lee
The Big We:
How Giving Circles Unlock Generosity, Strengthen Community, and Make Change
by Hali Lee
I’m grateful when something I’m reading causes me to stop, put my bookmark back in place, and check in with my beliefs and points of view. Hali Lee’s The Big We prompted several such pauses as she examines, critiques, and compares many types of philanthropic activity I work on and participate in, both professionally and personally. The subtitle of the book, “how giving circles unlock generosity, strengthen community, and make change,” conveys the text’s thesis that it is way past time for collective, community-driven giving to be recognized as the powerful force for social change it has always been and can increasingly be. I couldn’t agree more.
Lee contrasts collective giving, and its corresponding philosophies and behaviors practiced by community-based groups, against “hero” philanthropy (what she calls “Big Phil”) infrastructure made possible by the concentrated wealth of certain individuals and, to a lesser extent, corporations. The former has been around in various forms—giving circles, mutual aid societies, and many others under many names—across the globe for as long as humans have lived and cooperated in groups. The latter fully emerged in the past century or so as wealth gaps grew and American financial markets increasingly became primary power centers.
Lee argues (and again I wholeheartedly agree) that we need to redistribute and share the power and influence associated with philanthropic giving, for many reasons. She writes, “it’s just not smart to rely on any individual, no matter how wealthy or well-intentioned, to fix systemic and complex problems. Especially if those underlying systems helped that person get so rich in the first place. Even worse, relying on these wealthy individuals can inspire a sort of passivity among the rest of us. And our system doesn’t work when we are passive.” In checking in on my thinking about Lee’s assertions, I kept jotting down “both/and” in my reflections. I even had a moment of Gen X nostalgia thinking about the 1980’s Reese’s “hey you got peanut butter in my chocolate” commercial. Lee shares several instructive, tangible examples of where largescale philanthropy successfully uses practices inspired by or associated with collective giving. It’s happening in real time, and it can happen more in the future to great effect.
Lee wants us to “open up the aperture” to understand and include the full scope and power of American philanthropy. And her work acknowledges the tensions that can crop up between different elements of our philanthropic landscape—the who, what, how, when, and more. In looking at philanthropists’ and philanthropic groups’ competing priorities, Lee discusses a favorite tool of mine, the Even Over statement. When we find we have two things we want, Even Over statements help us choose between them and stop avoiding decisions because of our perceived loss. Instead, we focus on what we gain. For example, as a philanthropist, I personally want both (a) community-level social change driven by values and moral imperatives and (b) systemic change informed by strategic impact measurement and evidence-based praxis. I want both immediate, direct support for individuals and largescale global change. While these are not inherently in conflict, they are not always compatible or appropriate in each giving situation. As a full philanthropic ecosystem, we can do both and I believe we must. When we look at each funding strategy or choice, it’s often going to be a matter of emphasizing one even over the other. And we need to equip more philanthropists with more options, informed by short- and long-term community needs.
Read This Book If You Want or Need:
To learn more about “cultural forms of generosity and care” (description borrowed from Lee’s remarks at a recent Chicago Foundation for Women event I attended). Community-based giving has existed as long as humans have, yet it remains underrecognized, undercounted, and underestimated.
Fodder for expanding thinking—yours and/or others’—about what philanthropy is, what it can be, and how its roles in today’s social change ecosystem can evolve and transform.
To wrestle with all-or-nothing thinking about philanthropy to reconcile real tensions between funders and community, value-driven metrics/KPIs and values-driven giving, structure and culture, and more.
I had the great pleasure of hearing Hali Lee speak at two events in May 2025, including the CFW event referenced above and the We Give Summit. Her commitment to expanding and fortifying our philanthropic infrastructure is highly inspiring, and the stories, case studies, and other data she shares are deeply instructive.
